A Women’s How-To Manual

Copyright 1997, Michael Ra Bouchard, Ph.D. All rights reserved.

(5-6 minute quick read)

A Women’s How-To Manual

Written by a Male Sex Therapist:  How to Shape Up Your Lover

All couples occasionally require a bit of sexual enhancement and between-the-sheets adjustment. The following love lessons show women how to guide their men into being their absolute best, both in and out of the bedroom. For you men reading this manual, here’s a chance to strut your stuff by applying the knowledge you’re about to gain within your relationship. This 4-week “basic training” instruction plan promises to help any woman shape her man into a better lover—and further enhance your mutual satisfaction.

How to Shape Up Your Lover

(and Why You Should)

by Dr. Michael Ra Bouchard


Shaping a man is a lot like chiseling a stone—it begins with a great vision that requires committed effort, patience, and persistence until completion. Mostly, it requires a mutual yielding on the parts of both rock and rock sculptor. Whether shaping stones or men, a steady hand, a stout heart, and a patient mindset are all essential elements.

Let’s be real—it’s no exaggeration to say that without a woman's steady guidance, most men would never learn to fully please their partner in bed, or for that matter, anywhere else. Yet, how exactly does a woman go about getting what she wants from her man? After all, when it comes to romance and sex, most men aren't exactly begging for instruction, let alone criticism. Never fear. The following guidelines will teach you how to pleasantly persuade your lover to be his best. Let’s get started by reviewing a few basic ground rules before we head to Step 1 and learn how to better get his attention.

Basic Ground Rules

For starters, it’s important to read the 4-step guidelines that follow in order. They are designed to be implemented over the course of 4 weeks, though you can accelerate the program if you prefer. Just make sure you don't omit any of the steps. The good news is that the steps for training your lover are equally effective both inside and outside of the bedroom. These very same strategies can also help you get more of what you want in many other areas of your personal and your professional life.

The basic ground rules start with the obvious:  your man requires your help to fully please you sexually, and for that matter, emotionally. In short, he needs you to show him the particular ways that make you happiest. And yet regrettably, this is anything but obvious for far too many men. Problems are sure to arise when he doesn’t realize this reality and routinely ignores your requests, and even then seldom do most men connect the dots. The bottom line is he needs your help whether he realizes it or not. Without a woman's consistent and persistent guidance, the truth is that men tend to stay diamonds in the rough forever. Some men boast about being already ''trained,'' but what they mean is that they've been able to satisfy other women in the past (or so they think) and, therefore, they're confident they know what pleases you, too (or so they also think).

By now you’re probably thinking, so just exactly how do I go about getting what I want from my man? After all, with the delicate male ego—especially when it comes to bedroom sports—training your man can seem like too formidable task for even the most assertive and confident of women to accomplish. Have faith. Learning and practicing the following lessons will help you to get the best and the most from any lover—long-term or short-term—with ease, grace, and confidence.

Before we can proceed any further, the most important ground rule is that you must accept total responsibility for educating your man to meet your wants and needs. Remember, he can’t read your mind. It’s your job to make sure he understands your desires. Countless female clients have groaned aloud in protest upon hearing me utter these words, but I assure you, the longer you resist accepting this truth, the longer it will take you to attain sexual and emotional satisfaction. After all, you have to do something different if you want things to change and improve. The sooner you accept and understand that it's your role to inspire the best lovemaking and romancing from your man, the sooner your love life will improve. It all begins with this fundamental understanding. And yes, while it requires consistent and persistent effort on your part, the benefits you’ll gain from co-creating a happy relationship are always well worth it. Try it and see for yourself.

Something else you should probably expect from your efforts that bear fruit:  ironically, once men experience a little success with the new ideas or approaches you’ve planted in our heads, we tend to take all the credit for ourselves. My advice to you—go ahead and let us! At the end of the day, when you're getting plenty of what you want and need, do you really care whose idea it is? So long as it isn’t harming anybody, it’s a gentle approach to let people think what pleases them and makes them happy, especially when it comes to your lover. And the best part is you'll get a lot more loving by making us your hero and letting us think it was our own idea all along!

Step 1: Get His Attention

When your man is paying attention to your needs,
his mind, body, and spirit are all focused on just one thing—You.
And that attention feels very, very good.

Your first step:  getting and keeping his attention. Attention is that special connection between the two of you that you can feel—and it feels good. When he's really paying attention, his mind, body and spirit are all focused on one thing—You. He may be paying attention to your mind, your body, your emotional desires, your sexual pleasures, your needs, your worries, your career, your future, your family, your clothes, your dreams and so on. In this guide, we'll be focusing primarily on the art of teaching him to pay attention so the two of you can make that ultimate connection on the sexual pleasure front, though again, most of what you learn here applies to just about every other aspect of your life and to relating to others.

It probably goes without saying, resorting to basic biology is the quickest and easiest way to get and hold his attention for your sexual wishes, (and lots of other things, too) especially when you’re relaxing together in bed. However, there are plenty of other times and ways, depending on your partner. Is he more receptive to new ideas earlier in the day, or not until after his workout? Or, might he be more responsive to discussion during dinner, or maybe not until after dinner and dessert? Watch for his most receptive times and avoid those times when he's apt to be distracted, tired, or not as open to listening to you. Timing is everything.

A timeless tip for getting more of what you want:
Give what you want to get.

Keep in mind that you can grab his attention whether you’re together or apart. After all, keeping thoughts of you at the top of his mind is what it’s all about. For example, might you capture his attention if he found your lace panties in his briefcase or suitcase, or how about if you packed or emailed a sexy invitation to him? Imagine how he might react to your offer to join you in a sensual bubble bath. Remember in the film, Pretty Woman, when Julia Roberts greets Richard Gere at home with nothing on but his brand new necktie? Be bold and use your imagination! On a more mundane level, does your man wash dishes? If so, try gliding up behind him at the sink sometime and running your hands across his shoulders, down his back, and across his waistline. End with a big hug from behind. If you’re feeling frisky, you can slide your hands further down and around and give his private bits a friendly fondle and wondle or two. Perhaps you'd like to offer him a day or evening of pleasure—ranging from one-on-one contact sports in the bedroom to serving as a gracious sports party host one afternoon for your man and his buds—with no obligation or expectation for him to give back to you? If that sounds contrary to what you're trying to accomplish, remember that to “give what you want to get'' and “treat others the way you want to be treated” are two timeless tips for getting more of whatever it is you want. Think of it as priming the pump. Your man experiences how good it feels when your loving attention is focused on him and his needs, the better for him to appreciate the importance of putting his attention on you and your needs. Think of it as helping your man to connect the dots. Make no mistake:  the quality of focusing loving attention upon our lover is unmatched when it comes to furthering emotional connection, especially when it is reciprocated in kind. Once your man gets a taste of it, he’s sure to want more.

Practice getting and holding his attention for any and all of your desires—both in and out of the bedroom. How long can you stay in the ''connection zone?” This week, the goal is to feel that connection as often as you can and whatever the cause, be it a lingering glance, a weekend away or a day spent together in the park. Understanding, experiencing, and feeling good about your connection outside the bedroom is what builds trust, safety, and willingness to fulfill your sexual desires inside the bedroom. For all couples, the bedroom is a vulnerable place. Revealing ourselves to each other emotionally outside of it can help you to strengthen confidence and trust inside of it.

Homework:  This week, keep it short and sweet and often—it's the ''how'' you'll be perfecting. See how long you can hold his attention while keeping it fun. For those of you dealing with your partner’s over-eager sex drive, try flirting more and taking more time with clothed foreplay. When his engine starts revving too fast, you can tap the breaks by asking if he wants a drink or a snack, or suggest slowing down or taking a shower together to help him to downshift a bit. Surprise him and yourself this week. Experiment with all of the senses to get and keep his attention—smell, sight, sound, taste, touch, and especially the mind, the largest sex organ of all.

Your other critical ''assignment'' this week is to ponder what exactly is it you want and desire for a happy life, especially your sex life. For many women, expressing what you really want is very difficult, even to yourself. Likewise, it's important that you feel deserving enough not to settle until you succeed. Remember, in life you get what you settle for, so don’t. Rather, invest in yourself and consider what you really, really, really want from a lover. Don't stop thinking until you come up with a very thorough list (think of it as a work in progress so it’s okay to change your mind or continue to add along the way).


How to Shape Up Your Lover

(and Why You Should)
by Dr. Michael Ra Bouchard

Step 2: Giving Approval


In the previous lesson, you learned and practiced how to get your man's attention. The goal was to find, feel, and expand that "connection zone" in your relationship. Getting your partner to be more aware and attuned to you and your wants and needs is the obvious first step on the road to better lovemaking and intimacy bliss. Now you’re ready for Step 2:  giving approval.

Attention, ladies! Your man craves your approval.
We have been known to climb mountains, cross oceans,
and risk looking ridiculously foolish to get it and keep it.

This sounds simple enough to do, and it is, yet it's also the step most often left out. "Oh, he knows that I love him" or "I'm not going to feed his ego until I get what I need from him" are two common rationales that often stop heartfelt acknowledgment in its tracks. The essence of true acknowledgment is unconditional approval. Your lover wants to know that you approve of who he is as a human being, not just for what he does for you. This means his core values, his love for you, his dreams, and all the parts together, as a whole. He has his high points, and also his low points where he falls short of both his ideals and yours. We know we sometimes fall short of the mark, even when you don’t tell us, so when we do hit right on the mark be sure to heap on the praise. Make no mistake—your approval is very potent stuff to your man. Never be stingy with it.

As it just so happens, the sexual refinements you want and need from us are much easier to inspire when we know that, overall, you like and approve of us. When we feel your approval along with your guidance, we will eventually better meet your wants and needs. Now I know some of you are thinking that this just won't be true in your case, but I assure you it will, as long as you are willing to follow the steps in these lessons. While you may be skeptical, deep down inside, if your man truly loves and cares for you he really does want to give you everything you want, no matter how things may seem to the contrary. Believe me when I say we just need your approval and guidance to help get us there.

Next:  How to offer approving remarks your man recognizes and responds well to.

Above all, be sure your comments are truly approving. Be careful not to offer up any remarks or requests that have the tone, "This isn't enough or good enough." Instead, let the underlying message be, "I want more." With the first statement, men hear "I'm not enough or good enough." We hear that we have failed to please you, that we have missed the mark, leaving us feeling defeated and more apt to tune out and turn off. However, when we hear, "I want more," at least know we did something right. At that point, we’re much more willing to listen to how you want us to make sex and romance even more pleasing for you. Makes a lot of sense, doesn’t it? Think of it as offering him a carrot to munch on versus whacking him over the head with it!

Keep your compliments and approving comments short—
we guys can't take too much per dose.

Now that you have this guide to help you go about presenting your approving remarks, acknowledgment is easy—so long as you do, in fact, approve overall of your man.

Homework:  This week, your assignment is to tell your man something you like about him, be it in or out of bed. For example, let him know how much it means to you that he spends quality time in unrushed foreplay with you, or that he attends to your needs in other ways that please you. He wants to hear how he makes a difference in your life, from the littlest detail to the grandest design. All you need to do is speak from your heart. You can utter just one or two “atta-boy” compliments at the right time, an easy-to-understand wink or smile, or create a grand presentation. And, don’t forget, when he does something you really approve of, be sure you let him know how much you like it and he’ll be more likely to repeat it.

Another tip:  Remember to keep your compliments and approving comments shorter rather than longer. While you women are deep pools for receiving acknowledgment, we men can't take that much per dose. We grow uncomfortable and edgy. Short doses work best on us. If you see your man fading away or becoming overwhelmed (pay attention to his attitude or body language), you’ll know you have exceeded his cup’s ability to receive for the time being. In that case, simply finish your acknowledgment quickly and end with a hug, kiss or some form of loving connection and you'll bring him right back! Practice acknowledging his greatness until you learn his limits, as well as his favorite compliment topics. Focus on putting this exercise together with last week's (getting his attention). After all, a compliment can be a great attention-getter.


How to Shape Up Your Lover

(and Why You Should)

by Dr. Michael Ra Bouchard


Step 3:  How to Ask for What You Want

Congratulations! You're now halfway through learning how to pleasantly persuade your lover to meet your innermost desires. I hope so far that you’ve had fun practicing getting his attention and complimenting him as discussed in Steps 1 and 2. These are lifelong habits that can be applied for maintaining and increasing intimacy, fun, and happiness. The next step now is the actual asking part. The goal of Step 3 is how to make your sexual and romantic desires known to him in the most attractive fashion, so that he'll be motivated to change his ways and please you more. I'll let you in on a little secret:  Attractive to us guys means (a) encouraging (versus critical) and (b) fun and pleasurable, or the possibility of fun and pleasure to come.

Men really do want to please their woman,
but we also want to feel in control.

Let's say you want to go out for fun more often with your man. So, one night while sitting in front of the TV together, you suddenly blurt out something like, ''I can't remember the last time we went out for a special night together. Why don't you take me out anymore?'' If you're lucky, your man will merely sit there quietly without immediately flipping into emotional shutdown or defensive mode. Suffice it to say, with an ambushing thud of a conversation-starter like that, it’s a safe bet he won't be transforming into Mr. Romantic Evening Planner anytime soon! However, if you were to say something more along the lines of, ''I was just thinking of all the fun we had that night you took me out dancing a few months ago. We had such a great time. Why don't we take a little ride later, catch the sunset, and maybe get a little something to eat on the way home—you pick the place. What do you think?'' It’s plain to see that this attractive approach is much more fun, hence more likely to appeal to your man and bring forth the response you seek.

What really makes this approach work is that the woman in the above example is asking for what she wants—a night out—without telling her man exactly how to do it. Men really do want to please their woman, but we also want to feel in control. Men enjoy producing and take great pride in our productions. If you decide every single detail, it takes the fun out of it for us. It also makes us feel bossed around. Offer up some basic direction, then let your man use his own imagination to please you. Give him some room to strut and show his stuff, and you just might discover a completely new, romantic side to him.

Next:  How to ask attractively for what you want—without scaring him off or hurting his feelings

If you want to increase the amount of time, touching, kissing or actual physical lovemaking you and your partner engage in, how you go about it is critical. Keep in mind, when it comes to getting the most from your man, it’s never the “what” and always the “how” that matters most. The best way to ''ask'' for that may be to flirt with your partner during your night out, do to him what you want done to you (such as more touching and kissing) or drop some not-so-subtle hints about your plans for when you get back home.

Always remember, these instructions are intended to help you stay in the ''connection zone'' in all parts of your relationship, not just in the bedroom. That's why it's important for you to feel close and emotionally connected whether its a night out on a date, while sharing a Saturday afternoon walk in the park, or over dinner surrounded by your children. When the foundation of your relationship is solid—and you feel safe, loved, and appreciated—you'll feel confident enough to express yourself and your innermost desires in the bedroom. You’ll also feel more fully empowered to ask for what you want to improve your sex life and your overall emotional connection.

Asking specifically for what you want sexually is often difficult for women because you instinctively know you’re treading on thin ice.

Knowing how to ask for what you want is essential, as is the self-confidence you’ll need to follow through with it. This is NWL (No Woman’s Land) in the Battle of the Ages—very, very scary when it comes to tweaking your partner’s technique. At least initially, many women find it uncomfortable to speak frankly about their desires using specific sexual language. It’s also requires finding a delicate balance when expressing your intimate needs without hurting your man's feelings, and becoming comfortable using specific sexual language.

My advice is to share fully with your partner using as much ''I'' language as possible. For example, to get more of something you like, you could say, ''I like the way that feels, keep doing it” or ''Mmm, I love what you're doing, don’t stop” or “I’m having fun with you but I’m not enjoying how this feels, let’s do something else.” All of these responses send a clear, positive message. If what you really want during sex is to enjoy the intimacy more (and not rush right to the finish line), say so—but in a positive way. For example, start by letting him know you like what he’s doing, then ask if he might slow the pace down a little, or mix it up a bit, or however you want, and keep on refining it until he’s doing it just right. In addition, you can speak using I-Statements  instead of You-Statements to address most any situation by saying, “I feel __________, (name one feeling) when you __________, (name one behavior) and I want you to __________” (apologize, slow down, etc.). Use I-Statements any time you want to connect with others, build intimacy, or let others get to know you better.

For example, let’s say you want to slow that galloping stallion of yours down a bit. You can use “I” language to tell him how great he makes you feel when you're kissing and touching, or to ask him to slow down so you can enjoy his body more, or to whisper that you want him all the way deep inside you while you both hold perfectly still. However, don't hint that he's rushing you, acting selfishly, or doing something wrong. Always remember, acknowledging his greatness by giving your approval will get you more of what you want—while criticizing him will get you nowhere fast. The key is to emphasize the positive and how you want more.

On the other hand, if you want him to stop doing something in the bedroom or to start doing something he's previously told you he doesn't like, you'll be much better off discussing this outside of the bedroom rather than inside the bedroom. Talking about changing his intimate ways during your most passionate moments can quickly dampen the mood, and hurt feelings thus ending lovemaking. However, should you ever not like or desire a particular sexual act or move at that moment, quickly say so, and then offer enticing alternatives that you can both enjoy. Again, use as much ''I'' language as possible, talk about what you like, suggesting a few new moves or changes in the regular routine, all the while focusing on increasing enjoyment rather than its lack.

How to feel worthy:  feeling good about yourself, your partner, and deserving to have your desires satisfied is what it’s all about

The importance of feeling good about yourself—and feeling you’re deserving of having your desires satisfied when you ask—cannot be overemphasized. If your self-esteem is low, before you approach your partner with your wish list, try to figure out why it is you don't feel worthy of sexual and romantic satisfaction. If you can't figure it out, practice thinking and repeating out loud to yourself the mantra ''I am unconditionally worthy” for as many weeks, months, or years that it takes until you believe it. Individual counseling can also help. It’s vital you believe that your needs deserve to be met, and that you make them known to your lover. Yet be forewarned:  it’s quite possible your man will initially grumble or sputter aloud over your requests at times, so when he does, make every effort to avoid reacting to it. Such bluster on the part of your man can be devastating if you're not feeling worthy, causing your confidence to take a real nosedive if you let it, so don’t. Be determined to remain positive, and you'll see his grumbling and sputtering for what it really is—just his engine coughing to get started as he’s trying to figure out how to give you what you’re asking of him. Knowing this, you needn’t now be so easily deterred by his protests. Think of any initial reluctance on his part as similar to cranking up a cold engine on a below-freezing winter morning—after a few reluctant and failed attempts to crank it up it finally yields and turns over. In the future, should you hear any initial protests from your man, you can begin to get excited because you’ll now know he's heard you, and that sputtering is his way of trying to figure out how to get started in giving you what you’re wanting.

A final word of advice on practicing how to attractively ask for what you want: Think about him while you think about you this week. That may sound backwards, but focusing (and satisfying) his wants and needs is going to go a long way toward getting you what you want. While you may be tempted to hold back what you know pleases him until he satisfies you, I strongly urge you not to play that game. Whether you're looking for more romance or passion in your relationship, remember, you always get more bees with the honey of approval than the vinegar of discouraging words. Be generous to your honey with your honey pot!

Homework:  Keep in mind that training your lover is a personal, individual adventure. I’m sorry to disappoint you, but there’s no universal trick every woman can use to instantly transform her man into a better lover. You’ve got to hang in there, and not give up. Just keep using your imagination and the tips I've offered here. If, however, you start to feel stuck—as if you're still not getting anywhere despite your best efforts—you may need to seek professional couple’s counseling help to get at the underlying issues that are blocking your communication and connection.

How to Shape Up Your Lover

(and Why You Should)
by Dr. Michael Ra Bouchard

Step 4: Affirm the Process

Step 4 is about affirming every positive step your partner takes toward giving you more of what you want and less of what you don’t. Psychologists refer to this behavioral shaping technique as positive reinforcement or operant conditioning, more commonly known as the system of reward and punishment based upon performance. However, for the purposes of persuading your lover, we’re only going to be focusing on the reward part. This requires that you look at his actions through the positive affirming lens of ''what is he doing right,'' instead of the negative critical lens that focuses on “what is he doing wrong” or how he could still do it better, faster, etc. While it sounds easy, it actually takes practice to be able to acknowledge each and every small incremental change he makes in the desired direction while still coaxing him toward what it is you ultimately want. Use the skills you've learned in the previous three steps to get that positive message across to him. Look as carefully and deeply as you can to affirm any and all his actions that appear to be heading in the right direction. Sometimes the only thing you may be able to say is, ''I'm pleased you're making an effort, I really appreciate it.'' That's just fine because it’s expressing both encouragement and gratitude. Encouragement and gratitude can work miracles, so take every chance you get to express them liberally. By acknowledging any and all positive movement on the part of your man you best ensure more of it.

Warning:  Never add ''but'' to the end of your compliment! If you feel you must add a corrective note, start a new sentence to do so, and try to start it by using words like ''and'' instead of the overall negating and counterproductive 'but.'' Better still, phrasing what you want in a positive manner allows you to add specific requests to shape things even more to your satisfaction by emphasizing whatever it is you want.

Always assume three things in every training conversation—
that your partner is your friend,
that his intentions are good,
and that, if you look hard enough, you find can find
at least one desirable behavior of his to affirm right now.

To offer a simple yet illustrative example, let's say you want your man to buy you flowers. So far, he's not been into the flower-giving thing. You prime the pump by finding an occasion to give him one long-stemmed rose or a mini-bouquet. Shortly after, while you still have his attention, you find a way to say something like, ''I just love getting flowers'' (you might even mention your favorite variety). Listen and watch for any clues that he liked receiving your gift. If he's obviously enjoying the flowers, let him know how happy it makes you that he's pleased. You can even add that you were nervous about giving them to him. That way, if he, perhaps, has been nervous (or shy or embarrassed) about giving flowers to you that will help him get over any hesitance.

Now, when he does send or give you flowers and if they're not quite what you hoped for, refrain from saying in any way that his gift is not enough. Instead, receive them with delight and gratitude. At another time, you can remind him of your favorite flower or the type of bouquet you long to receive from him. If you want to get playfully effective, you can even say something like, ''I dream one day of lying naked with you on a bed of red rose petals.'' This will surely get his mind (and other body parts) racing and it’s a safe bet you'll be the recipient of red roses in the near future. The idea is that each time he brings you flowers, you love them and him, and continue to drop hints and tips to shape and further refine his approach. Then again, when you make every effort to enjoy his tastes in flowers for what they are as opposed to what you want them to be, you may just find you no longer feel the need for him to bring you any particular kind of flowers after all. Simply translate this same flower approach to what you want from him in the bedroom, and you’ll set him up to sexually and emotionally satisfy you beyond each of your wildest expectations!

What to Do When Your Guy Just Isn’t “Getting” It

Remember, there's a good reason why patience is called a virtue—
The essential ingredient for training success is patience, lots of it,
specifically accepting the pace with grace.

Without patience, persistence, and flexibility, you simply cannot have a happy life, let alone a happy relationship. Believe me, your man is fully capable of changing his romantic ways and adapting his lovemaking skills to satisfy you fully—that is, if he really wants to of his own accord—once he actually understands exactly what it is you're wanting and asking of him. This last part may take a while, so be patient and don’t give up. Remember, it’s the responsibility of the sender to ensure that the receiver fully and accurately understands your message. Furthermore, your impatience will only serve to frustrate and bring you both down.

The time and attention you put into training your lover
will pay big dividends for each of you, not just in the bedroom
but also in every aspect of your lives together.

Should it become apparent that one or more of your requests are a relationship ''deal breaker'' (you simply must be fulfilled in this particular way in order to be happy in your relationship), don't be afraid to convey to him the seriousness of your request—be it for more romance, specific sexual needs, increased attention, etc. Remember, be sure to use ''I'' messages (from Step 2) when explaining how you feel and what you need and want. If you find a deal breaker and can't seem to work it out, before you throw in the towel, speak to a professional counselor. Possibly counseling can help you work through it together and also help you assess the strength and health of your relationship and give you guidance on how to improve it, or encouragement to leave it. Ultimately, should your relationship still not shape up to your satisfaction despite your best ongoing efforts and intentions, then you’ll know it’s time for you to pull up anchor and sail off on your own.

Study and practice these lessons and, over time and through experience, you will gain the confidence and ability to ask for what you want—and get it!—from your man. Think of it as setting each of you up for the win:  You get what you want from him, and he gets to feel like your hero for producing it for you. The time and attention you put into training your lover will pay big dividends for each of you, not just in the bedroom but also in every other aspect of your lives together as well. Finally, should your man turn out to be just plain uncooperative and hard-headed, despite your best efforts to pleasantly cajole and encourage him as you’ve learned how to do in this love lesson, take heed. You’ll want to think long and hard about what’s keeping you in such an unfulfilling relationship.

Now you know what you have to do as an empowered woman. It's your role to educate and pleasantly persuade your man to pay attention to your guidance so that he can best please you; and as a smart rat who likes his cheese, it’s your man’s role to be trainable. The good news is that most men are about as trainable as they make up their mind to be. Once a man begins to see the value of taking his cues from you he’ll undoubtedly come to appreciate and welcome your help, especially when he realizes how much it furthers your fun and happiness together as a couple. When it’s done right, you both gain from this arrangement and better get your needs met through the relationship. It’s all very basic. By making the effort to go about shaping your man in attractive and enjoyable ways, he’s more likely to follow your lead, creating a double-happiness win that increases your connection and furthers your well-being as a couple. When you come right down to it, isn’t that what the joining of two hearts really is all about?

Have fun,
Dr. Michael


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