Copyright 2003, Michael Ra Bouchard, Ph.D. All rights reserved.
"Make Love, Not War"
by Michael Ra Bouchard, Ph.D.
With the imminent threat of America going to war against Iraq, the chant of 'Make Love, Not War" is once again reverberating throughout our great land by those opposed to this particular military action at this particular time. For many of us, memories of anti-war demonstrations during the Viet Nam war are evoked. Indeed, "Make Love, Not War" is not a new concept at all, nor did it originate in the 1960's, but actually has its origins many thousands of years earlier.
The more things change, the more they stay the same
'Gilgamesh' is one of humankind's oldest stories ever recorded. It was written upon stone tablets nearly 5000 years ago in Mesopotamia--ancient Iraq. The crux of the tale told in this ancient epic is of a village terrorized by a wildman named Enkidu. It describes how the villagers seek to tame him by sending a woman into the forest with the intent of "civilizing" him, specifically by submitting herself to him sexually, a mission she successfully accomplishes to everyone's betterment. For the next week she makes love to him day and night, over and over and over again, until at last the wildman's chaotic energy is completely exhausted and his wildness tamed and ready to be rechanneled. Having achieved total and complete sexual satiation and repeated whole body release, Enkidu is now wise and understanding. He is now aware and eager for the new opportunity to enjoy all the joys of civilization, including becoming valued consort to the King himself. Behold the mighty power of full-body orgasm!
An orgasm a day keeps the doctor away
While it is unknown whether Wilhelm Reich, an early 20th century physician, physicist, sexologist pioneer, and favored student of Freud, was perhaps influenced to develop his 'Orgasm Theory' based upon this ancient Mesopotamian formula for personal and social happiness and peace, what is clear is that his theory and the story of Gilgamesh are both based upon the same sound 'Orgasm Principle'.
Reich advocated, wrote about, and worked with clients to achieve complete and repeated whole-bodied genital gratification--vs. an orgasm experienced only in the crotch. He believed that through complete genital gratification, individuals and society as a whole would experience less war, less violence, and less unhappiness. And, as in the story of Gilgamesh, this is precisely the same "pleasure path" upon which the wildman found himself forever transformed.
Criticized and persecuted by colleagues and governments alike for advocating such radical ideas and practices, Reich nonetheless devoted his life to demonstrating the necessity of embracing and normalizing sexuality for optimum personal and world harmony and peace. Perhaps more than ever in present times, this lack of 'Orgastic Potency', or ability to achieve complete whole-bodied orgasmic release, is missing in the vast majority of people's lives today. In turn, this 'Orgasm Void' has become a major cause of and contributing factor to the growing tension, frustration, and anger many of us experience and are exposed to in our daily lives.
Fortunately, simply by taking responsibility for and giving ourselves permission to engage in healthy, life affirming and fulfilling activities we can greatly lessen and even reverse most if not all of these debilitating symptoms.
Connect with yourself, connect with the world
Even today, 'Orgasm Theory' is respected by few and understood by still fewer, yet nonetheless its ramifications remain indisputable. When you really think about it, it becomes rather self-evident: The more whole bodied orgasms you have, the less tense your mind and body feel. The less tense your mind and body feel the more your heart opens. The more your heart opens, the better you connect with yourself and your own thoughts and feelings. The better you connect with your own thoughts and feelings, the better you connect with others and the entire Universe. And the better connected you are, the less likely you are to resort, consciously or unconsciously, to thoughts or actions of anger, violence, and war.
Complete and repeated whole-bodied orgasms are not only good for you and your personal health, happiness and well-being, but they also directly contribute to social harmony, and world peace for all humankind. Pretty simple, really.
Raise your PQ (Pleasure Quotient), intensify your satisfaction
So far I've briefly mentioned whole-body orgasm--vs. an orgasm experienced only in the crotch--so allow me to now further elaborate on these concepts. Prolonging pleasure means slowing down - way down--the tempo of lovemaking, focusing on breathing and eye contact, making love in different ways, and enjoying the shared journey of intimacy rather than focusing upon goal-oriented orgasmic arrival. These all contribute to training our body to increase its capacity and awareness for greater and greater amounts of pleasurable whole-body sexual tension build-up and its complete spine-tingling release.
Such whole-bodied "High PQ" orgasms literally flood our bodies with pleasurable feelings and rejuvenating endorphins that exude a sense of elation resonating within every cell of our being. Sadly, what I refer to as "Low PQ", or low pleasure quotient, is today epidemic in our stressed out and hurry up society.
While a "quickie" can certainly have its place in a healthy sexual repertoire, regularly engaging in such brief sexual release as "normal standard fare" is analogous to a diet primarily composed of fast food--though it may successfully erase our "hunger pangs", an unbalanced diet as such will ultimately cause further unbalance in our bodies overall health and well-being. Common sexual repercussions from hurried lovemaking that I often hear from both men and women during therapy sessions are that of resigned sexual frustration and intimacy disappointment. Or, as Peggy Lee so hauntingly lamented in her famous torch song ballad, "Is that all there is?"
Laugh out loud like nobody's listening
It's a fact that laughter and orgasms are two of the most powerful healing forces on both the body and the planet! We have all heard that it takes more muscles to frown than to laugh. . . think of it as spiritual economy and smile as much as you can! When was the last time you had a full-out belly laugh? You'd be surprised how many people cannot remember the last time they laughed at ANYthing, if only in thought, let alone laughed out loud.
Nothing exists in a vacuum
Sexual prosperity impacts upon and improves overall mental, emotional, physical and spiritual health and well being. Today, more than ever, we're increasingly aware of how much we impact upon our environment and our environment impacts upon us. And let's face it; living is a very risky business under normal circumstances, let alone in times of terrorist attacks on our soil and threat of war abroad, economic uncertainty, and fear over job security. What I refer to in my practice as "The 4 Biggest Killers of Sex" are presently at all time high levels: Stress, anxiety, fatigue and use of medication.
Common sense may not be not so common
The good news is that the remedies are virtually identical to guidelines for overall health and happiness: Commit to and practice getting enough rest, eating a healthy diet, exercising, spending time in quiet contemplation, not abusing your body with drugs or alcohol, and perhaps most importantly of all, giving yourself permission to freely enjoy yourself in fullness as a sexual being. This includes acting in sexually pleasurable, responsible, and respectful ways that take care of yourself and others. These ideas are certainly not new; indeed, they are simply good common sense. In short, be the naturally sensual person you were designed to be!
Change your thinking, change your world
Of course, since this is often a lot easier to say than to do on your own, at least initially, I offer counseling, guidance and therapy for all sex, love and intimacy concerns helping you to make this shift a reality. If you live on or plan to visit Hawaii, we can arrange to meet in my Big Island office. Call me at 808-965-8800 to schedule an appointment. Or, if you live on other islands, or for that matter anywhere in the world outside of Hawaii, we can work together very effectively via results-oriented telephone sessions. Privacy and confidentiality are always assured. Feel free to contact me at DrMichael@lovekindly.com for more information if you are interested in scheduling a session.
Garbage in, garbage out
When it comes to experiencing healthy and happy sexuality, it is important to remember that how we think and feel about sex in general, and our own sexuality in particular, determines our sexual attitudes and behaviors. I'd like to encourage everyone reading this article to take some time to reexamine your sexual thoughts, feelings and attitudes. Ask yourself whether or not your present sexual values truly serve you in experiencing your sexuality in healthy and enjoyable ways, and whether they accurately reflect your current thoughts and desires regarding your own personal expression.
Keep in mind that sexual freedom is informed and conscious choice-- choice to say yes, and choice to say no--to what we want based upon accurate information and our own values and desires. While we are all given the sexual "hardware" at birth, it is society that programs our sexual "software," beginning in infancy. As such, it is important periodically to "debug" ourselves from any sexually misinformed or misguided messages we may have previously accepted without question, no matter how well intended.
If not now, when?
Ask yourself if your thoughts, feelings and attitude about sex are truly bringing you more of what you want and less of what you don't. Upon completion of your review, share your new insights about sex with your partner. Frankly and openly discuss your thoughts and feelings, because I can guarantee that at least some of what you will hear will be quite different than your own thoughts, feelings, and attitudes. Interacting in a friendly way with someone who has differences with you is one of the most loving gifts you can give to, or receive from, your partner.
Take special care that the sexual values you have are your own, not someone else's. The bottom line to achieving and maintaining healthy and happy sexuality comes from the ageless wisdom of the Bard: 'This above all else, to thine own self be true.'
What the world needs now, is love, sweet love
No matter where you stand in the political spectrum, surely you'll agree that 'love's the only thing that there's just too little of' in this crazy world of ours. Do yourself and everyone on the planet a favor by thinking about what you have just read and contemplating how you can make the world a better place beginning with yourself. Make Love, Not War. A retro idea? Maybe. A timely idea? Apparently. A timeless idea? Unquestionably!
Think globally, act kindly
Treat yourself really well! The fact is we can only treat others as well as we're willing and able to treat ourselves. Think of it as a healthy selfishness that benefits everyone who comes into contact with you. It's a fact that the better we treat ourselves the greater our capacity to love and nurture others grows. Such a deal!
In closing, I urge you to claim, connect with and celebrate your life in all ways--mentally, emotionally, physically, and spiritually. I remind you that self directed loving kindness, gentle acceptance, and whenever necessary forgiveness of ourselves not only helps keep the doctor away, it also contributes directly to increased personal well being, elevated happiness--and it's no exaggeration to add--even greater world peace!
Aloha and A Hui Hou!