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Copyright
2003, Michael Ra Bouchard, Ph.D. All rights reserved.
"Make Love,
Not War"
by
Michael Ra Bouchard, Ph.D.
Sexologist
With the imminent
threat of America going to war against Iraq, the chant of 'Make Love,
Not War" is once again reverberating throughout our great land by those
opposed to this particular military action at this particular time. For
many of us, memories of anti-war demonstrations during the Viet Nam war
are evoked. Indeed, "Make Love, Not War" is not a new concept at all,
nor did it originate in the 1960's, but actually has its origins many
thousands of years earlier.
The more
things change, the more they stay the same
'Gilgamesh'
is one of humankind's oldest stories ever recorded. It was written upon
stone tablets nearly 5000 years ago in Mesopotamia--ancient Iraq. A tale
is told of a village terrorized by a wildman named Enkidu. It describes
how the villagers seek to tame him by sending a woman into the forest
with the intent to "civilize" him by submitting herself to him sexually,
a mission she successfully accomplishes. Over the course of the next week,
she makes love to him until the wildman's energy is completely exhausted
and his wildness is tamed. He is now wise and understanding, with a new
opportunity to enjoy all the joys of civilization. Behold the power of
orgasm!
An orgasm
a day keeps the doctor away
While it
is unknown whether Wilhelm Reich, an early 20th century physician, physicist,
sexologist pioneer, and favored student of Freud, was perhaps influenced
to develop his 'Orgasm Theory' based upon this ancient Mesopotamian formula
for personal and social happiness and peace, what is clear is that his
theory and the story of Gilgamesh are both based upon the same sound 'Orgasm
Principle'.
Reich advocated, wrote about, and worked with clients to achieve complete
and repeated whole-bodied genital gratification--vs. an orgasm experienced
only in the crotch. He believed that through complete genital gratification,
individuals and society as a whole would experience less war, less violence,
and less unhappiness. And, as in the story of Gilgamesh, this is precisely
the same "pleasure path" upon which the wildman found himself forever
transformed.
Criticized and persecuted by colleagues and governments alike for advocating
such radical ideas and practices, Reich nonetheless devoted his life to
demonstrating the necessity of embracing and normalizing sexuality for
optimum personal and world harmony and peace. Perhaps more than ever in
present times, this lack of 'Orgastic Potency', or ability to achieve
complete whole-bodied orgasmic release, is missing in the vast majority
of people's lives today. In turn, this 'Orgasm Void' has become a major
cause of and contributing factor to the growing tension, frustration,
and anger many of us experience and are exposed to in our daily lives.
Fortunately, simply by taking responsibility for and giving ourselves
permission to engage in healthy, life affirming and fulfilling activities
we can greatly lessen and even reverse most if not all of these debilitating
symptoms.
Connect
with yourself, connect with the world
Even today, 'Orgasm Theory' is respected by few and understood by still
fewer, yet nonetheless its ramifications remain indisputable. When you
really think about it, it becomes rather self-evident: The more whole
bodied orgasms you have, the less tense your mind and body feel. The less
tense your mind and body feel the more your heart opens. The more your
heart opens, the better you connect with yourself and your own thoughts
and feelings. The better you connect with your own thoughts and feelings,
the better you connect with others and the entire Universe. And the better
connected you are, the less likely you are to resort, consciously or unconsciously,
to thoughts or actions of anger, violence, and war.
Complete and repeated whole-bodied orgasms are not only good for you and
your personal health, happiness and well-being, but they also directly
contribute to social harmony, and world peace for all humankind. Pretty
simple, really.
Raise
your PQ (Pleasure Quotient), intensify your satisfaction
So far I've
briefly mentioned whole-body orgasm--vs. an orgasm experienced only in
the crotch--so allow me to now further elaborate on these concepts. Prolonging
pleasure means slowing down - way down--the tempo of lovemaking, focusing
on breathing and eye contact, making love in different ways, and enjoying
the shared journey of intimacy rather than focusing upon goal-oriented
orgasmic arrival. These all contribute to training our body to increase
its capacity and awareness for greater and greater amounts of pleasurable
whole-body sexual tension build-up and its complete spine-tingling release.
Such whole-bodied "High PQ" orgasms literally flood our bodies with pleasurable
feelings and rejuvenating endorphins that exude a sense of elation resonating
within every cell of our being. Sadly, what I refer to as "Low PQ", or
low pleasure quotient, is today epidemic in our stressed out and hurry
up society.
While a "quickie" can certainly have its place in a healthy sexual
repertoire,
regularly engaging in such brief sexual release as "normal standard fare"
is analogous to a diet primarily composed of fast food--though it may
successfully erase our "hunger pangs", an unbalanced diet as such will
ultimately cause further unbalance in our bodies overall health and well-being.
Common sexual repercussions from hurried lovemaking that I often hear
from both men and women during therapy sessions are that of resigned sexual
frustration and intimacy disappointment. Or, as Peggy Lee so hauntingly
lamented in her famous torch song ballad, "Is that all there is?"
Laugh
out loud like nobody's listening
It's a fact
that laughter and orgasms are two of the most powerful healing forces
on both the body and the planet! We have all heard that it takes more
muscles to frown than to laugh. . . think of it as spiritual economy and
smile as much as you can! When was the last time you had a full-out belly
laugh? You'd be surprised how many people cannot remember the last time
they laughed at ANYthing, if only in thought, let alone laughed out loud.
Nothing
exists in a vacuum
Sexual prosperity
impacts upon and improves overall mental, emotional, physical and spiritual
health and well being. Today, more than ever, we're increasingly aware
of how much we impact upon our environment and our environment impacts
upon us. And let's face it; living is a very risky business under normal
circumstances, let alone in times of terrorist attacks on our soil and
threat of war abroad, economic uncertainty, and fear over job security.
What I refer to in my practice as "The 4 Biggest Killers of Sex" are presently
at all time high levels: Stress, anxiety, fatigue and use of medication.
Common
sense may not be not so common
The good
news is that the remedies are virtually identical to guidelines for overall
health and happiness: Commit to and practice getting enough rest, eating
a healthy diet, exercising, spending time in quiet contemplation, not
abusing your body with drugs or alcohol, and perhaps most importantly
of all, giving yourself permission to freely enjoy yourself in fullness
as a sexual being. This includes acting in sexually pleasurable, responsible,
and respectful ways that take care of yourself and others. These ideas
are certainly not new; indeed, they are simply good common sense. In short,
be the naturally sensual person you were designed to be!
Change
your thinking, change your world
Of course, since this is often a lot easier
to say than to do on your own, at least initially, I offer counseling,
guidance and therapy for all sex, love and intimacy concerns helping you
to make this shift a reality. If you live on or plan to visit
Hawaii, we can arrange to meet in my Big Island office. Call me at
808-965-8800 to schedule an appointment. Or, if you live on other
islands, or for that matter anywhere in the world outside of Hawaii, we
can work together very effectively via results-oriented telephone
sessions. Privacy and confidentiality are always assured.
Feel free to contact me at
DrMichael@lovekindly.com for more information if you are interested
in scheduling a session.
Garbage
in, garbage out
When it
comes to experiencing healthy and happy sexuality, it is important to
remember that how we think and feel about sex in general, and our own
sexuality in particular, determines our sexual attitudes and behaviors.
I'd like to encourage everyone reading this article to take some time
to reexamine your sexual thoughts, feelings and attitudes. Ask yourself
whether or not your present sexual values truly serve you in experiencing
your sexuality in healthy and enjoyable ways, and whether they accurately
reflect your current thoughts and desires regarding your own personal
expression.
Keep in mind that sexual freedom is informed and conscious choice-- choice
to say yes, and choice to say no--to what we want based upon accurate
information and our own values and desires. While we are all given the
sexual "hardware" at birth, it is society that programs our sexual "software,"
beginning in infancy. As such, it is important periodically to "debug"
ourselves from any sexually misinformed or misguided messages we may have
previously accepted without question, no matter how well intended.
If not
now, when?
Ask yourself
if your thoughts, feelings and attitude about sex are truly bringing you
more of what you want and less of what you don't. Upon completion of your
review, share your new insights about sex with your partner. Frankly and
openly discuss your thoughts and feelings, because I can guarantee that at
least some of what you will hear will be quite different than your own
thoughts, feelings, and attitudes. Interacting in a friendly way with
someone who has differences with you is one of the most loving gifts you
can give to, or receive from, your partner.
Take special care that the sexual values you have are your own, not someone
else's. The bottom line to achieving and maintaining healthy and happy
sexuality comes from the ageless wisdom of the Bard: 'This above all else,
to thine own self be true.'
What
the world needs now, is love, sweet love
No matter
where you stand in the political spectrum, surely you'll agree that 'love's
the only thing that there's just too little of' in this crazy world of
ours. Do yourself and everyone on the planet a favor by thinking about
what you have just read and contemplating how you can make the world a
better place beginning with yourself. Make Love, Not War. A retro idea?
Maybe. A timely idea? Apparently. A timeless idea? Unquestionably!
Think
globally, act kindly
Treat yourself really well! The fact is we can only treat others
as well as we're willing and able to treat ourselves. Think of
it as a healthy selfishness that benefits everyone who comes into
contact with you. It's a fact that the better we treat ourselves
the greater our capacity to love and nurture others grows. Such a
deal!
In closing, I urge you to
claim, connect with and celebrate your life in all ways--mentally,
emotionally, physically, and spiritually. I remind you that self
directed loving kindness, gentle acceptance, and whenever necessary
forgiveness of ourselves not only helps keep the doctor away, it also
contributes directly to increased personal well being, elevated happiness--and it's no exaggeration to add--even greater world peace!
Be well,
Dr. Michael
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DrMichael@lovekindly.com
phone:
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